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What I’ve Already Learned From My Boyfriend’s Deployment

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So here’s the thing, ask anyone about me and they would probably say I’m tough, bullheaded even… hopefully in a good way? Anyway, when it comes to life, I have been fairly resilient given all of the things that have happened in my short (or long, whichever way you look at it) twenty-seven years.  I’ve broken too many bones to count including my back and a small bone in my neck. I’ve been in countless accidents and almost died from a sudden allergic reaction to MRI contrast dye; of which, I remember once I realized it was going to happen, I was going to die right there on the table from the dumbest of things, I laughed (in my head of course, because I couldn’t even breathe enough to let out a small squeal) and said “well… shit.” Therefore, I think i’ve been through a decently fair share of random accidents and simple (almost) tragedies.

But all of which, I always had some smartass comment or a giggle or smile on my face because crap happens really. That’s life. Most days, I can laugh anything off and take it with a grain of salt. But when it came to saying goodbye to my boyfriend Keith as he deployed to his location, that was one of my top hardest moments.

We had amazing memories, some painful but many beyond amazing. So when I had to say goodbye for the last time, I think it was the first time i’ve publicly accepted a bawl fest right there in front of everyone. I gave “zero shits” as my best friend would say. Right there, in the parking terrace, again in the car on the way to the hellish airport parking center, again in the plane (and yes, I was the middle seat.. so that was awkward) and again once I arrived home and got in bed. I would also be lying if I said I don’t cry sometimes when I think of it or other times when I am getting off of a sketchy intermittent skype session with him where most of the conversation was “what? I didn’t hear you..”… I hate you, you crappy wifi router. I have a bone to pick with you but that’s for another time.

So what does all this have to do with me finally allowing myself to melt like a puppy when I watched him walk away, bags in tow? It has everything to do with the many little things that I have already learned about have a deployed boyfriend or significant other if you will.

So let me go ahead and tell you about what it is like to send someone away for deployment… at least for me.

  1. YOU’RE NOT AS TOUGH AS YOU THINK YOU ARE, AND YET, YOU REALIZE YOU’RE WAY MORE TOUGH THAN EVER BEFORE… MAKE SENSE? Really, like I say, you can be one of the toughest people in the world. But when that moment hits you and you stop being numb and start realizing you can’t hug that person or kiss them or talk to them late at night or anything of that matter really for quite some time you start to understand just how precious a good cry really can be. But once you let it all out, you tend to then realize how tough you really are when you wake up in the morning and work your ass off all day long regardless because you want to better yourself everyday before he comes back home. So, you go girl.
  2. TIME. You suddenly find that all of this chaos and these super crowded busy days and nights all of the sudden became just a little less crowded. You now have time to water the plants again, time to put in way more extra work and stop being poor, and time to actually start working out again. Good hell, about time right? You also find yourself making all sorts of things happen due to having this newly found time when you would usually be rushing around to get things done so you can get that precious time with him when he was home. So now, you may all the sudden have a clean house or a new hobby eh?
  3. EVERYTHING WILL FINALLY BE CLEAN BECAUSE OF HAVING MORE TIME… YES WOMAN, YOU HEARD ME! Don’t get me wrong, even with my zoo here at home, I spend hours on hours every week cleaning because you just have to when you have this many animals and you also are kind of one yourself. But when I knew I could trade time cleaning for time with him, I (most of the time) chose him. So therefore, sometimes I would come home to a pile of clothes on the dryer, on the bed, and yes… on the floor. Don’t even get me started on dishes. It’s pretty shameful. But the good news is, my life is actually cloroxed, cleaned, organized (apparently that’s a thing) and well put together-ish. 😉 So now you finally can do alllllllll those things you once wished you could get done to feel like your house is a home again. Here’s the irony, between him and I, I am the way more messy creature.
  4. HELLO SWEATS. Doesn’t matter if it’s his old military sweaters, shirts or bottoms, odds are, you’re probably wearing them every chance you get. Say goodbye to looking classy and cute all the time and hello to “yes, I can at least wear you today and pretend you’re here?” Kidding, I’m not that sappy… they’re just comfy. Or at least that’s what you will tell yourself to justify looking like you just crawled out of bed.
  5. GOALS…. YOU START TO FILL YOUR TIME WITH GOALS AND ALL OF THESE THINGS YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH BY THE TIME HE COMES HOME. Yep, I am sure all of us always have them there in the back of our heads. And sure, most of us are trying to reach them and become a little closer everyday. But when times becomes more available, you find yourself back at that ambitious twenty-one year old self starting to make goals to take on the world again. Of course I have all the typical goals… lose more weight (I’ve lost 17 pounds and plan to lost 25-30 more), pay off certain things and save more, fix my stupid car – that damn lemon, boom my business and my blog, and teach more women to start businesses. But I also have random goals like grow my garden through the winter, become one of top bloggers/vloggers in my niche, learn yoga, become insanely flexible again and get back into boxing. That’s one hell of a workout.
  6. YOU WILL PROBABLY HAVE A LIST OF SAPPY LOVE SONGS ON REPEAT. And if you need any, just let me know. I have been listening to Every Little Thing from Carly Pearce and my “kiki” playlist literally over and over again. My poor, poor neighbors. But I guess I am just getting them back for smoking weed outside my window in the middle of the day and making my bedroom smell like poop. Thanks. And I hate you too. Kidding, you’re actually a pretty fun neighbor. Don’t punch me. 😉
  7. YOU WILL HAVE YOUR PHONE ON YOU AT ALL TIMES, I REPEAT, AT ALLTIMES. Between always keeping it charged, having a little tizzy if it malfunctions and constantly checking your texts, gmail, and skype accounts to see if you have a new message will become quite the usual for you. You will also have a car charger, a solar phone charger and a wall charger in your purse at all times and probably the number to your carriers customer support…. you know, just in case.
  8. THE DREAMS, THOSE STUPID, TRICKY DREAMS. Odds are, you’ll probably have many dreams where you think he’s home and you’re having just another day. Then you wake up covered in cats and realize you’re just weird.
  9. I ALMOST FORGOT… CONGRATULATIONS, YOU PROBABLY JUST ACCUMULATED A WHOLE LOT OF CRAP. And I don’t mean crap in the literal sense of the word, really just a lot of stuff. For me, it was one dog, one cat, one car, one truck, a bunch of clothes, about ten billion dog toys (swear he loves her more than me ahha) blankets, comforters, and even things like food that would go bad by the time he was home. Be ready for the purge darling, because it’s coming. Although, I can’t complain for one minute. Having his things here makes me feel like is here. Blah blah blah all that mushy stuff. 😉 You’re welcome, I spared you.
  10. LAST BUT NOT LEAST, YOU ACTUALLY DON’T MIND (AND ACTUALLY KIND OF LIKE) WORKING. When before, although you love what you do most days, you would typically rush it to get that fun and precious time with him… you now work longer hours, longer days, and get more done by choice. This being basically because this not only fills your mind and time but also gets you to places you would like to be. So I hate to break it to you, but you’ll become the world’s newest workaholic. Cheers!

So if any of this applies to you, congrats, you’re not alone. If it doesn’t, then I guess you got lucky! All of which, don’t bother me at all. Because at the end of the day, I know there’s an end to his deployment and the beginning again of fun memories. Hope I at least brought some light and happiness and probably a little too much sarcasm into your day. I’d love to hear your stories if  you are in a similar boat and get to know you as well.

Maybe you even want to learn how to make your hobby into a business while your significant other is away… Learn How to Start A Businessby taking my 15 course series and let me help personally consult you how to follow your dreams so you can wow him when he gets home.



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  1. Jill says

    First, thank you both for your sacrifice. Hang in there. It does get a tiny bit better. After 12 years of marriage and never being apart from my husband he decides to up and join the JAG and off he went for training and two tours- he was gone for almost three years. We survived it. I know you guys will find a way to get through it too. Hugs from a military spouse to the two of you!

    • Chanslark says

      Hey Jill,
      Thank YOU and your husband for your service and sacrifice as well. How amazing is that to hear from you… And I would also love to hear more stories you might have from that time. Then I won’t feel like such a newbie haha. I had another ugly cry this morning — I mean cookie crumbs all over, makeup melting and turning to the sweats kind of ugly cry. But I hear once you get past that first month it starts to get easier? Ugh! That is really cool that your husband did that, and even better, that you were strong through all of this. Because that is just not easy. I do want to know though, was the second tour easier than the first? Like is it more just numb by that point? Or is it still like Netflix, ice cream and wine here we come kinda thing? haha. Anyway, you’re amazing and I’m really happy to have gotten to know you. Keep in touch!! XO – Chanson

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