Just continue with the assumption that you will forever be both enlightened and horrified by this post you’re about to see. While driving from the Tulip Festival to the Animal Farm last Saturday, we noticed what looked like the most random, broken down excuse of a wreck that we had ever seen. Right there in the middle of a bustling town and just in front of large, towering buildings. Umm…. okay? So of course we had to pull over and check it out for ourselves.
Apparently I was NEVER meant to own anything nice because we took my Beamer plowing through the dirt roads like it was a jeep (and that was by far not the first time). When we first pulled up, I drove slowly thinking some Texas Chainsaw massacre type of event was about to happen. Bad idea? Probably. The first thing we saw was two little deer just roaming about. Eating weeds that had overgrown the tire bordered track where little mopeds used to race. After snapping some shots of them, we got out with both excitement and hostility at the possibilities and started running through the place. The next thing we saw, a dead, dried and petrified cat. It was like the poor thing had just given up, laid down and died right there in the middle of the field. Strange.
Once I had paid my mourning dues to the mummified kitty cat (yes, I’m pathetic) I moved on to other things. One of them being the run down ball pit where I attempted to climb up and failed MANY times. All in the name of getting the perfect shot. Jordan thought he was hilarious snapping the inappropriate pics of my chunky thighs as I crawled up the continuously snapping ropes that could not hold my weight anymore (no thanks to Taco Bell). We finally got the right picture and I jumped off as soon as I knew the deed was done. Bam.
See Fatty Crawl.
See fatty Fail.
After that lackluster attempt we headed around the back to where things became increasingly weirder by the minute. We snuck around the parked semi to find ALL SORTS of wooden, hand built items. They were FANTASTIC! There were such things like a Noah’s Ark, a plane, a tractor, a set of trains and many more. They were all life size and so well done that we couldn’t imagine anyone would want to just leave these by the wayside. But things were already strange enough that that was the last thing to peak our curiosity; we were just in kid mode by now. Climbing over things and peeking inside, groping the painstaking work that it took to put these together and sitting there with our jaws dropped really.
Once we had gotten our childhood fetishes out of the way, we went even farther to the back. Stickers in my feet, say what? Who cares at this point! That’s when things got real strange. As I was awestruck by the huge beams of wood that I thought would look fantastic on a ceiling or made into a table – don’t judge – I looked up to see Jordan pointing at something. His face was hilarious and priceless OH AND there was a school bus made out of wood. Snap. That’s when I realized he wasn’t just looking dumb, it was more like dumbfounded. I looked in the direction of his pointing finger and saw a man. He was hunched over, arms tied behind him in the front of an abandoned Prison Bus. Yes people, a Prison Bus. WTF…..?
As Jordan’s sorry ass ran for the hills, I inched closer (haha sorry Jord, but you big baby!). I had the WORST, most nasty knot in my stomach thinking that someone was murdered or maybe a suicide or something? I was so confused. But most of all, I wanted to get him taken care of if this really was the case. So I got closer. That is when Jord swooped in and said “nope, you stay back there and I’ll take one for the team.”. Great! Nobody wants to see that, I mean really. An hour later (kidding but seemed like it) he finally got close enough to see the body. It was a dummy. THANK GOODNESS, HOLY SWEET MOTHER MARY it was a fake. Woot, woot! No bad dreams tonight folks.
Needless to say, we were still shaken up and super disturbed. That was it, we had had our fun and it was well past the time to go. We hustled back to the car and drove to the animal farm where we pet fluffy things and took our mind off of the Hills Have Eyes just across the street.
Note to self. Just don’t, people! Here are some more pics of our epic (or failed) day at the Horror House.
Because you’re still disturbed, here’s some pretty flowers from the previous post from the Tulip Festival earlier that day to help the eye sores. You’re welcome.